April 24, 2012

Perspective


This is what the last week has looked like for us. Sky's cough hasn't gotten any better, and Millie has been getting worse. High fevers, crying spells, and not much movement except from crib to couch to crib again- it's been a long several days. The more I thought about it, the more angry I felt. The doctor who had brushed Millie's illness of as a little cold had to have been joking.

Because of where we are financially, it's hard to find a doctor who will see us. Most would rather take a patient with good insurance that pays much and pays quickly. And often when we are seen, there is a definite difference in care- I can say this because I worked at the hospital before I had Millie, and know what goes on behind the scenes and what is said about people like us. And though I don't like to admit it, I can feel a chip on my shoulder start to form the moment I walk into the office, to be honest with you. It's frustrating.

And I found myself in tears tonight- that Millie's been sick this much, and that there hasn't been anything done about it. I was angry that x-rays hadn't been done or lab tests run. I wanted to call the doctor and tell them, "If it's just a little cold, you comfort her when she's listless or sobbing because she feels so miserable." I can't explain the feeling of wanting to protect your baby, but it's stronger than any feeling I've ever felt in my life.

As I was beginning to write this post, I turned the TV off, and it was it that moment that it actually sank in what I had just heard in the background.

I had been watching a show that was talking about life in the slums of India. It showed a family of five living in a single room smaller than Millie's bedroom. They all slept on the concrete floor, shared a makeshift "shower" (an un-lit closet and a bucket) and bathroom with the sixty some odd people living in their immediate area. They spent 1/3 of their $200 monthly paycheck just paying for their daughters' education. The father began to cry because he could not do all he wanted to do for his family. He was asked if he was happy. "Not happy," he said.

I'm going to take Millie back to the doctor tomorrow. I am going to ask for all the things that should have already been done but weren't. I'm going to tell them I'm worried. And yet, after seeing the piece on that family, I am going to ask for it much more gently than I planned to before. I will not ask out of entitlement.

God has a unbelievable way of putting things in perspective.

14 kind comments from you:

The New Normal said...

I'm so sorry that she is still sick and nothing is being done. That is so frustrating that no one is helping. We as mothers just want to protect our babies and get them what they need to feel better. And I believe that a mother's intuition is more valuable than any doctor's opinion. Praying for you guys to get some answers!

Mrs. Wookie said...

I'm shocked that doctors would rather go through the bureaucratic nightmare of dealing with insurance companies. I've always had good responses when doctors/dentists/etc know I don't have insurance and will be paying with cash - there's usually a pretty good discount also for paying up front, because it's money directly in their pocket. But maybe it's where I've lived that's also a factor...

Dilan Dilir said...

hope you all get better! :)

Chantal said...

Oh I hope she does feel better soon.

Jennifer @ Also Known As...the Wife said...

I'm sorry they're both sick.

I don't think you're holding a sense of entitlement. Isn't everyone deserving enough of a professional's help when you seek it out? I say go in there and not leave until you're satisfied. You're still a paying customer and deserve the care you're paying for.

BIG HUGS to all three of you.

beka said...

ohhh my. it's flippin' amazing how much entitlement we have bred into our bones...

on the other hand, i hope millie starts feeling better soon! nothing's worse than your little one being sick. :\

ginanorma said...

Oh PTL girl yes, God is constantly working at refining us and tendering our hearts and He will use ANYthing to do it!!! You SAW new perspective and that is WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL!!! Keep that seeking heart and mind honey, and you will keep arriving to new perspectives and a new heart...love you girl and i will be praying you all kick this sicknesses!!!! So sorry you have all been with this--xo

Sue said...

I love how you put that last part. We're not entitled to anything, it's a gift that we have so much. I hope your family starts to feel better soon!

Michelle said...

Ohhh yes. This struck a chord in me! Entitlement is something I'm really needing to work on. EEeek.

I hope things go better with Millie! I worked in a doctor's office in college. It's so true, things are definitely said and the care is different. It's horrible. My heart broke so much watching the doctor's refuse little old ladies over petty insurance issues. My husband and I haven't had insurance in 6 months and have had to deal with it too. Praying for you!

Melissa Jaine said...

Such a beautiful post sweetheart. And you have every right to ask for good care, whilst still being grateful. *hugs*
mj.x

ash said...

praying for your sweet millie. i know it's so hard when our loves are sick.

but rejoicing with you, for God's faithfulness to remind you of his provision! (& praying for the strength for you to extend grace. & when to not, for the sake of you baby girl.)

Karen said...

Sending prayers for Millie your way. It's tough when your baby is the one who is sick, I hope that things get better for your whole family this week.

Amanda said...

I'm sending you all my warmest wishes.. hope you got some answers and she is feeling better.. along with your husband!

Maureen said...

I caught that same episode of Oprah's Next Chapter. SO inspiring!

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